In The Silence.

The Engagement~

semoga kisah panjang yang dilimpahi hujan airmata ini dinoktahkan dengan BAHAGIA. Amin.

Me: Can I forgive myself for what I have done? YES, I do.

 The truth, an amazing story behind the picture. Thanks for sharing the beauty of life with me.

Salams.

Alhamdulillah. How are u dear friends? Im getting a bit too excited. Imagine the perfect holiday. The sun, the moon, the stars, the beach wahhh blissful romance. Im such a dreamer, right? And u? Hence I busy myself with stuff, class to attend and a bit  (big actually) of work there and here. Ahhh, well anyway I plan a holiday. Let me correct that; "I plan a perfect holiday. What is perfect? Hurmmm anyway, what was I going to say? I know, u know. I attempt to make my dream come true. You know the feeling of thinking too much and doing harder-harder-harder and harder to make things happen. You know what is the meaning of mental masturbation? Yeah, that's Seri  

For those of you who think you know me, maybe you might believe Im into fairytales. Since I was child, I would write all my plans, my dreams, my hopes and beliefs, my imagination to find out in months or the next year page by page I would tear, story by story, poem by poem (selalu cincai boncai), year after year in my special ~Pesona~(The Diary). In my heart there was tiny fear if what it doesnt work..for fear that one day perhaps it too will end up in the least desired place. Oh no. When I mentioned this to him, he said;

"You have to write, you have to keep on believing. You never know what could come up, maybe something you didnt even plan and when you look next step, you'll see how far you've gone. After all these years, you cannot give up now.'

Thanks to him. Sometimes the mind and the heart gets busy with life for sure we want to do many things. I dont want to be a dreamer who just sits and dreams will stay just dreamer. BUT a dreamer who makes his dreams come true. I try to find time to write sometimes even a line or two. I always reminded my ayat azimat since 1997. Its true, I learn so much about myself from my writing. In 6 months or 2, 3 years when we read what we write, we'll either laugh or cry and see how we've actually lived my lives and how can I make it better and better day by day. Its amazing.

I just close my eyes. 

Now is the time I tell the reason it makes me smile. I read a book once; Where The Heart Is by Billie Letts. My question is...where is the heart? Where is your heart? My answer is..its everywhere. Everywhere and everywhere I want it to be. In this world filled with much challengers. Our heart is compass in life. It took sometimes to find really locate where it is and how to use of it. I did it. I realized it was more than just an organ pumping blood. 1, 2, 3....Tarik nafas dalam kiraan 8. Hembus. Nyah yang tak patut jauh-jauh.

When times are good or bad, I take a moment, close my eyes, in deep in silence, I listen. Listen hard to that sound, its a voice that I hear. Finally, I can vaguely make out the words. That its somewhat a calling, giving me directions, not necessarily right or wrong BUT leads me to the path. A path where I want to be. Alhamdulillah.

Lets read and think these phrases; people makes mistakes, u and I makes mistakes. Sometimes we get hurt, sometimes we hurt people. Unless we've had permanent BRAIN damage, its usually hard to forget. SO, u are?

[1]
"I cannot forget what u did to me."

[2]
"I will never forgive u."

[3]"
"Will u forgive me for that I have done?"

[4]
"I cannot forgive myself for what I have done."(bahaya sungguh.)


[5]
"Can I forgive myself for what I have done?"

Its may not be the EASIEST to do, right? BUT we've learned, forgiving in its own. Nobody is PERFECT.

Pen off. Babai.




SERI:

[1]No need to feel alone in this big world. I will go on. I wont stop. Remember to pause for a while, everything is  alright. 

[2]Misz  dearie: there's much more that I am willing to share with u. Nanti on sahaja muka dan buku ok.

[3]Soalan hari ini dah tentu nya, Siapakah yang bertunang tu?